Lonely

Hello, blogland. It’s been a while.

I’ve missed this space. I’ve missed writing.

It seems lonely in blogland though.

So many of the blogs I’ve followed for years and years just no longer resonate with me. (Note: I’m not talking about the blogs of close friends, which I love to read no matter what because it gives me another connection to their lives and a chance to see different details and snippets than what filers through social media these days.) I’m talking about my life crushes. Do you know what I mean? Those folks who you see out there doing stuff and you think, “Man, I want more of *that* in my life!” or “That’s so inspiring!” or “I hope to get to that point in the next few years.”

Lately I’ve felt like I don’t fit with those blogs anymore, and it leaves me feeling frustrated. The two big divisions seem to be:

– kids. Or my lack of kids, I guess. So many of the DIY homesteader blogs that I adore and love have slowly (d)evolved into kid blogs. Mind you, I don’t mind hearing about children and seeing cute photos, but there gets to be a tipping point in terms of content percentages. But when everything in the blog post, even farming or canning preserves, gets told through the filter of being a parent and/or involving your kids in those activities, I start to fade out. I have no frame of reference for this. And honestly, it also freaks me out. Because I’m not completely 100% positive that I’ll never have a child in my life in some shape or form, but I know that I don’t want that kid to take over my identity. So watching it happen to my favorite bloggers, who are generally women whose independence and work ethic have been hugely inspiring to me, is a bit scary because it leaves me thinking, “Would I end up like that too?”

– veganism. Where are the DIY homesteader blogs for herbivores? I’m so turned off by these constant blogs about animal husbandry — raising goats, pigs, chickens, cows, etc. It’s not a part of my life and never will be. I don’t mind scrolling past the occasional post with photos of non-veg meals, but I definitely don’t want to read an in-depth, three post series about finally deciding which hogs to send to slaughter and which to breed for next season.

Believe me, I’m not expecting these bloggers to change their blogs or censor themselves or anything. I’m just frustrated because five years ago, those two themes didn’t seem to dominate their entries. And now I feel a bit lost as I delve around and try to search for some new life crushes, as it were.

Vegan, kid-free life crushes… They’re out there somewhere, right?

heading into the new year

Last year was a really great year. Hands down, one of the best I’ve had in quite some time. I got back to Muay Thai and competing finally after a long, frustrating road trying to rehab my knee after ACL surgery. I married the best damned partner I could have imagined for myself. After 6 years of teaching, I finally left the profession to pursue happier things. I won my second title belt for Muay Thai, then earned two silver medals with the US Team at the amateur world championships in Italy. I mean really, how much more could I have squeezed into that year? It was pretty amazing.

I haven’t stopped to set goals for 2014 or outline some massive plan for myself. Honestly? I haven’t felt like it was necessary. Things are going really well. After a few months of uncertainty in various realms of my life, I feel like I’m at last moving forward again in all directions.

I’m plugging away at my 101 in 1001 list (more on that later). I’m working harder each day on getting my businesses off the ground. I’m looking forward to a productive spring for the farm. My health is back in place as one of my main priorities. My friendships are solid and wonderful, as is my marriage. My family continues to grow a little bit more each year, whether that’s with furbabies or friends that become so close and trusted that I couldn’t imagine life without them.

If I was to pick a word to focus on for this year, it would simply be continue.

I just want more of what I’ve already been doing.

To keep pushing myself to be even better than before.
To keep building my family, my businesses, my heart, my life.

There’s always room for more of the good stuff.

the deep dark

prayer flags

It seems appropriate to be re-starting this blog on the Solstice. I’ve had this project at the back of my mind for many months now (the better part of a year actually) but just hadn’t set aside the space and time to make it happen. There were always other things that were, legitimately, more pressing and urgent on my to-do list. That doesn’t change the fact that I’ve really missed this space though. Missed having somewhere to chronicle my thoughts, share ideas and projects, and interact with like-minded folks. The common mainstays of social media are holding less and less appeal for me as time goes on and I find myself more frustrated with them than anything.

Today I hung new sets of prayer flags on the back deck and then did a yoga mala (108 sun salutations) with a dear friend. The days between the Solstice and the New Year are some of my favorites as they are full of dreaming and planning. I’m sure the next week or so will be filled with lots of reflecting on the past year as well as figuring out how to build off of this foundation for the next turn of the wheel.

Here’s to a fresh start as we come out of the dark and speed like arrows towards spring.